Welcome to our Family, Ally Mae!

From the moment I found out I was pregnant (really the moment Eric and I decided to expand our family), I knew I wanted to at least try to have a natural birth. Logically, I know that a lot of woman say that, but not a lot get the chance to do so. With a lot of research, a lot of push back from others, and even more prayer, Eric and I agreed that we wanted to go to a birth center instead of a hospital. Many people disagreed with our choice, and we understood completely. In the end, we followed through with what we felt was best for us. I could spend all day defending my choice, but that is a post for another time.

Writing Allison's birth story makes me laugh to myself. As much as Eric and I prepared, we could not completely be prepared, and we very much lucked out. I had my 39 week appointment on Tuesday, and since I hadn't really had any significant Braxton Hicks, I didn't get checked to see if I was dilated at all. We left, expecting not to come back for a week, but within a  few minutes of leaving I started feeling a little weird. I asked Eric to drop me off at his Aunt Michelle's house, so he could run errands in town, and I could sit down. I started having occasional, short contractions that I chalked up to be Braxton Hicks. Michelle bet that I wouldn't make it to the weekend without having this baby, and Eric asked the baby to "come tonight, because [he didn't] want to go to work." I was in serious denial, Allison was NOT allowed to come until my due date. I wanted my mom near by in case Eric needed back up. With your first, it is expected that you go past your due date, and that you will be in labor a long time. I went to bed that night, hoping everyone else was wrong.

Well, at 2:00 in the morning I woke up to go to the bathroom (I am so grateful to be done with middle of the night bathroom runs!), and when I climbed back in bed, my water broke. Still in denial, I woke Eric up to debate whether or not my water had really broken. I was nervous and confused. Eric called the midwife, and we decided that is most likely was my water. She told me to get as much rest as I could to prepare for labor. I was able to sleep until about 4:45ish, but contractions didn't really get intense until 6:00. I let Eric sleep though, expecting to be in labor at least until lunch... if not dinner time. About 7:00, I woke Eric up so he could support me, and keep the midwives up to date on my progress. By 8:00, things got intense enough that I wanted to know when we could go to the birthing center. The shower was nice, but I really wanted to get into the tub. They told Eric to time my contractions. I think we were all expecting things to move slower than they did. At 8:30, though, I informed Eric that it was time for us to go. For a brief moment, I wondered if I could make it until afternoon without an epidural. I pushed the thought out of my mind; I couldn't focus of the big picture and needed to just take it one contraction at a time.

A little after 9:00, we made it to the birthing center. I was already 7 or 8 cm dilated, and so glad that I was right that things were moving quickly. I was soo very grateful to be able to slip into the tub. The water helped me relax, and forget about time. Every time I had a contraction, I would try and kind of... have an almost out of body experience. It is hard to explain, but I would sink down so my ears were under water and I didn't have any outside stimulus to pull me back. Sorry, that is the best I can explain it. Eric was wonderful through the entire process. He would feed me apples and peanut butter or give me something to drink in between contractions. During contractions, he would stay on the side of the tub and let me squeeze his hands. There was very little talking down, and I was glad Eric seemed in tune to what I wanted. This whole time, the midwives were checking my vitals and the baby's vitals regularly. They had me drink as much as I could to try and lower my temperature, but at about 11:00, they asked me to get out of the tub. They weren't overly concerned, but they wanted to see if that would help my temperature and the baby's heart rate. Eric helped me to the bed where I laid on my side. He got on the bed behind me for support. I don't know how comfortable he was, but he wasn't there long. Allison was born 18 minutes later, where they immediately put her on my chest.

She was beautiful. I know everyone thinks their newborn is beautiful, but she truly was beautiful. She continues to get more beautiful everyday. We feel so blessed to have this sweet baby in our family, and to have so many people in our lives who love her too.

What NOT to Say to a Pregnant Woman

I am currently 8 month pregnant, and as a pregnant woman I am TRULY shocked by the things family and even complete strangers feel they can say to pregnant woman. It is like people lose any filter they normally have, and just say whatever pops into their minds. The following is a list of real things people have said to me or other people I know while they were pregnant.

1. "Are you feeling fat yet?" Seriously? Are you saying that I look fat? Would you ask someone who isn't pregnant this? No? Okay, then don't ask a pregnant woman this. Ever.
2. "Are you sure there aren't two in there?" This picture says it all... 
3. "Wow! You are huge!" There again, if you wouldn't say it to someone who isn't pregnant, don't say it to a pregnant woman either. Size can be a sensitive thing for a pregnant woman. Avoid saying anything about her size, even if you think her belly is small. A lot of woman whose body types hide pregnancy well are just as self conscious about their size as woman who start showing at 8 weeks. 
4. "Can I touch your belly? Will the baby kick for me?" The baby probably won't kick you, but I can't promise I won't... Unless you are really, really close to the pregnant lady this is probably not a good question. Most people like their personal space. That goes double for a protective mama-to-be.
5. "Wait! You aren't due until when???" Yeah, she knows exactly how much longer she has to go. Saying this makes her think that she must look huge, and she is probably already worried what she will look like in the next couple of weeks or months. 
6. "Did you hear about the Duggar chick who was in labor for 70 hours and still had to have a c-section?" I am sure that most pregnant woman are nervous enough about labor without hearing more worst case scenarios. Leave conversations about possible scenarios to the doctors. This includes stories about the mother or baby dying or being in critical condition.
7. "I hope the baby doesn't have his dad's head! Ouch!" Trust me, that thought already crossed her mind, and terrified her. 
8. "How haven't you had that baby yet?" She knows exactly how far along she is, and if anyone is ready for that baby to come, it is the momma. I mean, she is the one who is waking up three times a night to pee, because a baby is jumping on her bladder.    
9. "How often do you have to pee?" All the freaking time. How about you? Oh, you think that is gross to ask? Me too!
10. "Enjoy your sleep while you can. Once that baby comes, you won't sleep ever again." But I can't sleep now... Between the number of times she wakes up to go to the bathroom at night and the fact that she can't get comfortable in any position, sleep is foreign already and she doesn't want to worry about the lack of sleep cause by a new baby right now. 
11. "Was this a planned pregnancy or an accident?" That is a little bit personal, don't you think? Either way, I don't think God would say it was an accident.
12. "I wish I had an excuse to eat whatever I want, whenever I want too!" Yeah, it is great. I love not drinking soda, most sea foods, or sandwich meats. I also love counting  my veggie servings and trying to eat 90 grams of protein in a day.
13. "When will you guys try for another?" Can we find out if we even like this one before signing up for another? Seriously though, we are going to take this one pregnancy at a time...

37 weeks...almost

On Thursday, I will reach the 37 week mark! That might sound like just another random week, but it isn't. For some reason that is the milestone they like you to reach at least before having the baby. At 37 weeks, your baby is still considered a preemie, but I guess risks are dramatically lowered. It just takes away some of the anxiety for me to reach that mark. Obviously it is better for the baby to wait until "full term" (aka at least 39 weeks) so that her lungs and brain can develop more fully, so we aren't giving her the eviction notice yet... But boy, am I ready to be done with being pregnant.

36 and 1/2 weeks

(Pretty sweet tan line from last Labor Day haha)

At this point our baby should be about 6 1/3 pounds and just over 19 inches long. I can definitely tell that she is running out of room. I feel like I am still getting bigger and bigger all the time, but I guess not fast enough for her. Most of the the time, you can tell exactly where she is. Her little booty is constantly sticking straight out, causing my belly to look more like a torpedo than a basketball.

I am finding that I have some days where all I want to do is sleep and even eating is a tremendously tasking chore. Luckily, nesting mode has set in hard core. It almost overrides the tiredness. Almost. Some days I get more done in that one day than I could have managed in the whole first trimester. I am organizing and reorganizing everything. I am driving Eric a little crazy. Poor guy. He will get home from work and just want to relax with me... But I can't until the dishes or whatever other mess in my line of sight is taken care of.

The biggest problem with nesting though is that I am soo big that I can't always tackle the jobs I feel are important. For example, I am not suppose to stand on chairs, and Eric doesn't think standing on a step stool is any better, so I couldn't reorganizing the kitchen cabinets when I was home alone. Trying to do laundry is a joke now too. I may or may not have used kitchen tongs to get some socks from the bottom of the washing machine the other day. I have been very proud of myself though for not letting nitty gritty cleaning jobs from driving me crazy. Normally dust behind the toliet or dirt on the floor boards would drive me insane once I noticed, but I have just been doing what I can with those tasks my belly makes nearly impossible and figuring that it can be hard core taken care of eventually. Luckily, Eric is amazing and helps out A TON. Instead of getting frustrated when I ask him to do something I can't (and to be honest, he doesn't find particularly important), he usually just laughs and does it. You should have seen his face the first time I asked him to buckle my sandals for me, but hey, he did it. The only problem was that he wasn't home when I needed to take them off... 

One of the best things about Eric is that he reminds me constantly that even on days when I literally accomplish nothing, that I am doing something important and important things are rarely easy. I am sure he would prefer it if I cooked more, and if he didn't come home regularly to dishes waiting for him (Some days I still can't manage the smell or grossness of them), but he tells me that it is just fine. He also tells me about three times a day that he finds my pregnant belly adorable. Thank goodness he does, because sometimes (especially at night when I need to get out of bed to go to the bathroom for the umpteenth time) I just feel like a beached whale or like the photo below.

Anyways, that is it for now. My next post will hopefully include pictures of our baby. :)

32 Weeks

I hit 32 weeks pregnant earlier this week! That means about 8 weeks left (give or take a couple days or weeks). Time is quickly disappearing. There is still so much to do to get ready, but Eric and I cannot wait to meet our baby girl.

(32 Weeks)

Update on the baby: She is about 3 3/4 lbs and approximately 16.7 inches long. She has everything she needs to survive. If she was born today, she would probably spend some time in the NICU (which would be so stressful), but she would most like be fine. It definitely helps to know that.

Every time this baby moves for Eric, he is surprised with how strong she is. It is crazy that she is now strong enough that we can tell if she is kicking me with her foot or hitting me with a tiny fist. The other day I had the laptop leaning on my stomach, and she kicked so hard, the laptop almost fell to the ground.

Now that we are nearing the end, we are quadruple checking everything to make sure I am in the best position possible. My iron levels have dropped and then dropped some more so now I am taking extra iron and drinking orange juice with it to help my body absorb it. That brings the total number of  pills I am taking a day to about half a jillion.

(Seriously, I take this many pills a day)

Lots of things get harder to do as my stomach grows exponentially.  Standing up and shaving, yeah, that doesn't work. Painting my toe nails myself becomes a crazy mess... But I can still reach my toes (barely) and I fit into a couple pairs of my pre-pregnancy jeans. I am calling it a win.

Third Trimester, Here We Go!

Thursday, I will be 28 weeks! I can not believe how fast the second trimester has flown by! Seriously, how is it that I am already two thirds of the way done? Thank goodness, because I am not one of those women who never felt better than during pregnancy. For those of you who have seen the movie What to Expect When You're Expecting, I can relate most to the woman who wanted to be pregnant soo badly, but when it happened did not feel like she got what she was expecting. I mean, of course, I am thrilled to have this opportunity, but boy, is it harder than Eric and I expected it to be. The woman in the movie goes on this long tangent at a baby convention about how she wanted the glow but instead she just got back ache. She closes by saying that she hopes that what they say about forgetting the whole thing is true. Now, I don't want to forget the whole thing, but a good portion would be nice since Eric and I can't even fathom stopping at one. (I guess when you both come from bigger families, that is just how your brain works.)

(25 weeks)

However, there are far more things I would like to forget and that I pray I wont have to repeat than not. But I know that even if it was going to be like this again, I would still sign up. I know that we are so very blessed to have this opportunity, and I love our little girl so very much already. I know that every single hard day, sleepless night, the endless nausea, and all the tears along the way are really just a small price for the gift we are receiving. It is just even more important now to focus on the tender mercies and beautiful moments to help make it through the next 12 weeks.

Some of the things I don't want to forget and try to focus on are just the little moments... The excitement of feeling the baby kick for the first time. The look of awe on Eric's face when we finally had our ultrasound. The shock and excitement Eric had when this baby kicked hard enough for him to feel... Or really anytime she kicked and caught him off guard with how strong it was. The moment when we told our families. The moment when we heard this baby's strong heart beat for the first. The shock when we took a pregnancy that showed us the very distinct double line. Those are the moments that we can look back on and see how slowly things have changed.

One thing I have learned since I met Eric is that just when you think your capacity to love is maxed out, your heart doubles in size. I never could have imagined that I could love someone this much, but I can honestly say that I love him so much more than I did the day I married him. I am sure that the day our little girl enters the world, that our hearts will triple in size.

23 Weeks/Ultrasound

On February 10, Eric and I finally got to see our baby! Everything was made so much more real by actually seeing fingers and toes, especially for Eric since the baby isn't sitting on his bladder. I was torn during the ultrasound between watching the baby and watching Eric watch the baby. Eric was smiling the whole time. We also got a little more of a glimpse of this baby's personality. This baby is stubborn and kept crossing its legs. Feet kept getting in the way. It took multiple different tries to confirm this baby's gender, but we were right. This baby is a girl!

Today, we had another mile stone. At 23 weeks and a day, Eric finally got to feel the baby kick! It was just one single kick, but it was exciting. She is only going to get bigger and stronger, so this is only going to happen more and more, which Eric is excited for. Anytime we get to see/feel/hear her is just more confirmation to us of what we are working for. Sometimes, we really need those confirmations. 

This pregnancy has been harder than either of us expected so those moments mean a lot. I keep thinking "Finally, this morning sickness is going away." Then something happens, and it feels like I am back to the beginning... but I guess that is just the price I have to pay to have this child. I know that things could be worse and that I am lucky to even have this opportunity. It is just hard to constantly struggle to feel alright and feel like you can't even finish simple tasks like the dishes. Eric has been totally amazing this whole pregnancy, thank goodness. He has been doing about 95% of the cooking and cleaning. When we first met, Eric only cooked two things: breakfast for dinner and burgers. Now he is experimenting in the kitchen. The other day, he randomly decided to make Parmesan Chicken. He didn't even look at a recipe. He just winged it, and it was delicious! 

Anyways, here are some pictures of the ultrasound. We are so excited to meet our little girl and get to know her a lot better. Time is passing by so quickly!

(Not the greatest pictures. It is hard to take a picture of a picture.)

(Disclaimer: I really am not complaining for attention and do not want to seem insensitive to those struggling to get pregnant. That is part of the reason I started this blog instead of posting on facebook.)

Ongoing Life Lesson

Looking back over my life, I think I have done more growing in the last five years than in any other time of my life. I know, I am only 22 so five years is a huge chunk of my life, but I feel like everything that has happened is all so connected that I cannot break it down more specifically than that. It all started with the move my junior year of high school and switching school senior year.

Anyone who knew me during that time would probably agree that I was full of anger. I feel bad looking back, because I was a complete brat. That time frame is easily the worst my parents had with me. Sorry guys, but at least it was a relatively short time frame, right?  The reason I was such a snot is, because the first half of my junior year was a blast and I felt like I was happy with everything in my life at the time. Little did I know, Heavenly Father knew that there was more I needed. It took the heart break surrounding the move and switching schools for me to be humbled so I could learn. Because I am stubborn, it took more than one trial for me to truly learn the lessons that my Savior was trying to get through to me.

The first big lesson I learned is something that we try to teach our children from infancy, but sometimes it is hard to learn to apply it on a personal level. The lesson is that we are all children of a loving Father in Heaven. It is easy to say that God loves everyone and that the atonement works for everyone, but it is a lot harder to say that I KNOW that I am a child of God and that the atonement works for me specifically. Thank goodness that Heavenly Father loves us too much to give up on any of His children, because it took multiple experiences before I was able to solidify that lesson and engrave it on my heart. That lesson though is sooo essential though. It changes everything and because I know that I am a beloved daughter of God and that He loves me unconditionally, I can more fully use the atonement in my life. The atonement is not just for repenting either. With the atonement, we can have help with our every burden and every trial. Isn't that truly amazing? I just love how that all works. 

Knowing that I was a daughter of God also taught me that being a perfectionist is not always a good thing. Don't get me wrong. It is important to continually strive to improve, but it is also important to forgive ourselves. We would not want anyone else to hold our past against us, so why do we do that to ourselves? There is a song by Michael Mclean that I think says it better than I could. Here is the link:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ykGaB6zeXo

The next lesson was harder to learn, because I really could not grasp any reason the Lord would have for not granting us our righteous desires. I felt this way several times, but one of the experiences I had was not long before I met Eric. I am now tremendously grateful that it happened, because if it did not happen, I would not have ended up married to Eric. I won't go into details, because I don't think it is my place to put that whole story online when it involves other people's lives. I can tell you that it makes sense to me now, and I am glad that Heavenly Father loves us enough to say no or not now. There is actually a scripture that I think says it better than I could. It is Isaiah 55:8-9. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." I think it is hard to learn this, but His plan is truly so much better than anything we could have in mind for ourselves. We need to learn to trust Him so that we can have all that He wants for us. There is another song that comes to mind for this one. It is called "Blessings" and is by Laura Story. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ

In summary, I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that I am a daughter of God. He loves me no matter what. Mercifully, it is never to late to turn our hearts towards Him. I am grateful that He loves us enough to do what is best for us. I am grateful for the trials in my life, because I know that is how we learn and grow. I am definitely still learning to be grateful for trials as they come, instead of just after, but I am thankful I can always turn to Heavenly Father for guidance, strength, and peace through prayer.

20 Weeks

Thursday, I reached the half way point of this pregnancy! I can't believe it. I guess because Eric and I kept this pregnancy hidden for the first 15 weeks, it did not feel real that first trimester. Now, it definitely feels real. I have traded in my fitted jeans for sweat pants and nausea for frequent movements and growing pains. Don't misread that though. That was not a complaint. I would rather have growing pains and restless nights due to baby movements than needing to walk around with a bucket constantly. Eric would probably agree that he is happy with the change too. Although he wasn't too thrilled when I woke him up at 6 the other day, because I had a muscle cramp .

Moving on though, we have finally scheduled our gender revealing ultrasound and are super excited. It will be on the morning of the 10th, but we might keep people waiting several hours so we can take a cute picture to announce. No one has had to wait as long as Eric to find out so a few hours won't hurt anyone. I still feel like it is a girl though... and I may have gotten into Eric's head too. The other night when we were praying together, when he prayed for the baby's health he used female pronounces. After the prayer was over, he sighed and said that he thinks it is a girl too. I guess only time will tell, but either way we will be thrilled. If it is a girl though, I know Eric will be totally wrapped around her finger. She will probably be a handful, but if I could teach our daughters one thing it would be their individual worth as daughters of God. That one lesson can change everything. Eric will probably be the one who can help with that the most. I remember him helping me solidify that lesson not long after we first met.

In high school, I felt special. I was different, and people could see that. I felt like what made me special was the fact that I was Mormon, so when I got to BYUI, I felt like I had lied to myself. I wasn't truly special. Here I was, suddenly, surrounded by hundreds of girls who believed the same things I did and living the same way too. Someone really should warn you that going from being one of the only Mormons in your school to one of thousands it is a bit of a shock. You imagine it to be like EFY on steroids, but the novelty of being with lots of Mormons your own age fades away quickly. That is when you start to realize that there are a ton of people living the same life as you, but they seem to be doing it better. Luckily, God knows what He is doing, and He puts the right people in our lives at the right time. Eric had already become a frequent guest to our apartment, so he could tell when something wasn't right. He has the special ability to see everyone as children of God, so he see everyone as having their own personal potential. One day, he walked to the temple with me and had me read my patriarchal blessing looking for my gifts and other things that were specific to me. I highlighted them and wrote in my journal about it. It was amazing how a half hour changed my perspective, and even though, the sprinklers turned on, causing a major interruption, it is a lesson I don't think I will forget. Eric definitely won't let me.

The point of my tangent is that even though the idea of trying to raise teenage daughters is overwhelming with society's pressures, Eric is definitely the right person for the job. I keep reminding us that they don't come that complicated to begin with. They need to eat, sleep, be changed, and be loved. We will learn with them, and God won't lead us astray.

I am not sure why this post went the direction it did. The point of this post was to say that everything is going right on schedule. Our baby is measuring right on track and has a strong, quick heart beat. I am doing well and only have the normal side effects of trying to grow a human. I just feel so blessed to have this opportunity, even if it is sometimes harder than we anticipated, and I am so lucky to have Eric making this journey with me.

What I Meant to be a Short Note on Marriage

I got married a couple months before my 21 birthday. I heard all kinds of reasons why my decision was crazy. "What are you going to toast with at your wedding? Grape soda?" Mormon here so being over 21 wouldn't change what we would toast with, but thanks for the concern? "People change sooo much in their 20s. How do you guys know you will still want each other then?" "How can you choose to spend the rest of your life with someone you haven't live with or even slept with?" "People who choose to marry before 28 are literally throwing their lives away. What about travel and self discovery?" "You have to fall in love a bunch before you know what you truly want in a spouse." I had several 'friends' from high school make passive aggressive facebook posts about how dumb 'people' are who chose to marry before whatever age they demeaned appropriate and had some friends who just straight out cut off all contact. It's all good.

While living in Georgia, I worked at Toys R Us/Babies R Us. Often when people noticed my wedding ring and looked back at my face, they would look at me confused or with judgment. I know I am young, but I have been told that I look even younger. Often times, these people would go on to let me know that they assumed I must have a child or two already. Why else would a young person choose to marry?

Well, I can say that there are so many reason why I decided to get married and why I still choose to stay married. It was and is the right decision for Eric and me, I would not change a single decision that I made that led me here and I can safely say that Eric feels the same way. Well actually if he could change anything, we would go back and get married sooner. lol

Some of my friends were afraid that I would regret the things I would miss out on by getting married so young. As a Mormon, I feel that a lot of the things people think I would be missing out on are things I wouldn't be doing anyways. Partying, drinking, hooking up, and ect. are not things I ever wanted. Traveling the world, experiencing new ideas and cultures, and other things that you "simply must" experience are things that marriage doesn't stop you from experiencing. If I  really wanted to spend a semester in Europe, Eric would have worked his butt off with me to make it happen. We have plenty more time to see the world and plan on serving missions as a cute, old couple. For now our desire to start a family is a bigger priority to us, and if anything can change the way you see the world, it is having a child.

The biggest concern for a lot of people when it comes to getting married young is that one day you might wake up and find you are not the same person you were when you got married and that neither is your spouse. In the year and a half that Eric and I have been married, we have both changed a lot and in terms of marriage, we understand that we haven't really been married a long time. We are not the same people we were a year and a half ago, and thank goodness we aren't! People are meant to change and grow, but you can decide what direct you want to grow in. Eric and I are so much closer and more in love than we were then. We make spending time together a priority. It doesn't have to be an expensive date or big gesture. It is more about having that time together alone where we can laugh, talk, re-prioritize, and come to understand the other better. It is important to us to keep learning about each other, because we are still changing. We are also making reading scriptures together and praying together a priority. I think that is why we have grown closer.

Love is a living thing. It needs to be nurtured. Like the quote above by one of my favorite apostles, Dieter F. Uchtdorf, it is your duty to work on your marriage and keep it going. It is a conscience decision that you get to make everyday.

When you both make the decision to stay together, forever and work to make that happen, something amazing happens. You find that he is trying his best to take care of and love you and you are doing the same for him. You both give everything you have to the other person and it changes both of you for the better. Both of you find your needs are taken care of by the other and have more time to spend focusing on the other. It is truly a blessing.

This past week, I was sick and anyone who has been sick while pregnant knows that is is a miserable experience. You can't go to the normal medicines for help and have zero energy to take care of yourself. Eric was truly amazing during the whole thing. He ran to the store a dozen times and talked to my doctors about what things he could do to help me. He made sure I had plenty of things to eat, and before leaving for work made sure I had a drink near by, as well as all the other things that might possibly bring me some relief. He cleaned the entire apartment, and I never had to ask him to pitch in. He was ahead of me and my needs. He is exactly what I need in my life and I am grateful everyday that Heavenly Father sent this wonderful man into my life.

 Below is a link to President Eyring's talk at the Vatican on the union between man and a woman. He talks about how he and his wife wanted all the blessings that eternal marriage could give them, so they acted to make them happen. Since their marriage 52 years ago, he says he has become a better person and that they became one over time. Their differences made them better together and they have been able blessed their children with a testimony of how enriching marriage can be. Marriage is the ideal environment to learn, grow, and stop selfish tendencies. It has been seen over and over, and if that is something we want, we can work towards it. I have seen this in my own marriage and can testify that is can happen.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSgLO9FYgxM

Marrying Eric was the easiest and smartest decision I have ever made. It might not always be easy, and I am sure I am not always the most ideal person to live with. I can be stubborn, overly opinionated, and emotional. Anyone who knew me in high school or even in college, knows that I do not like asking for help or even accepting it when it is offered. Being married, though, has begun to soften those rough edges, and I haven't even been married long. I know overtime, I will see even more blessings from our marriage and only be more grateful for the ways my marriage to Eric have changed me. I have been so blessed by my decision to listen to the Lord, instead of listening to the world. I am so blessed that Heavenly Father gives us what we need and not what we think we need or want. I am thankful to have Eric remind me of the important things and point me back to the Lord when I lose my vision of the bigger picture.

Pregnancy Week 18

Today I reached the 18 week mark! Yay! Two weeks from the half way point, and the baby should be about the size of a bell pepper! Why do they use food to compare babies too? If numbers are more helpful to you, the baby should be about 5 and  1/2 inches long and 7 ounces. If we were to do an ultrasound this second, they would be able to tell us the gender of the baby, unless the baby were to take after me and cover up during the ultrasound. I know, it is killing everyone to wait a few more weeks, but if Eric can wait a couple more weeks while listening to me talk about how I think it is a girl, everyone else can handle the suspense too. lol Eric keeps getting frustrated, because I  keep referring to the baby using female pronouns. He tells me that God has a sense of humor and is going to send a boy just because I keep saying it is a girl. It isn't like I want a girl more than a boy. I just want a healthy baby. I just feel like this baby has been enough trouble already, it must be a girl. lol But seriously, they say that a lot of morning sickness means girl. If that is true, it is most definitely a girl. Also the baby has a faster heart rate, which can also indicate girl. Either way, I am thrilled just to have the opportunity to bring such a blessing into our lives :)

Pictures from the 17 week mark

Everyone keeps telling me that the second trimester is the best. I can tell you it is definitely better than the first, but I think the part about having a sudden abundance of energy is some sort of twisted lie to get you past the morning sickness. I definitely haven't experienced an increase in energy at all. All I want to do is sleep and eat, but at least I can eat most of the time now. 

The best part of this trimester is that I can now feel the baby regularly! Our baby definitely is already full of opinions, and I can only blame myself for that. If a shower is too warm or I rest a cold drink on my stomach, it is quite clear how the baby feels about it. It will only be more fun as the baby gets stronger and Eric can understand what I am talking about.

Talking about Eric, he has been amazing this whole time. I mean, the guy who doesn't even like hearing stories about people being sick or getting injured (unless it is funny), has cleaned up throw up on more than one occasion without breaking a sweat, getting mad, or complaining. Eric also has been waking up early to take care of me so I can get out the door for work. He brings me breakfast in bed to help my morning sickness. He starts the car for me and scraps the ice of the windshield for me, so I have one less thing to do to get out the door on time for work. He has even become quite the chef, and when I have one of my hormonal break downs, for no apparent reason, he stifles a laugh and just hugs me. When I cry about not having accomplished anything on my list that day, Eric assures me that it is okay because taking care of myself is the most important thing I can do for our growing family. I mean, he is the kind of guy they base romance novels on... Sweet, funny, handsome, understanding, supportive, hard working, level headed. I could go on and on, but I am sure you get the idea. 

Being pregnant is definitely harder than I expected it to be, but I feel so blessed to have such a terrific husband and to have this chance to bring a new addition to our family. I am aware of how lucky I am, and try not to take any of it for granted. 

What No One Talks About

Eric and I always knew we wanted to one day have a big family. We are both 1 of 5, so to us it only makes sense that is the kind of environment we want our children to grow up in. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying we will have exactly five kids. I am not that naive. I know every family is different, and every woman's body handles pregnancy and child birth differently. We will see what happens and rely on the Lord to direct us in those kind of decisions, but we do see ourselves with a "bigger" family.

This summer that dream of ours had a scare. Eric and I had a surprise pregnancy. We were excited and nervous. We knew we weren't going to wait a whole lot longer before starting our family, but we just had not planned on it right then. Once we got over the shock though, we were thrilled and trusted in the Lord's timing. I know some people might not like hearing that, but that is how we felt. We were overwhelmed and completely thrilled. That didn't last long though.

A few days later, I lost our baby. Our first baby left before we could tell anyone, before anyone else could love her/him too. It was devastating and heart breaking. We were lost and confused. Looking back at this time, I feel so blessed to be married to Eric. He was gentle, sweet, understanding, and loving. When family members would try and ask when/if we were planning on expanding our family, Eric would answer for me and change the subject. When we would go to the store and see a couple with a baby, Eric wouldn't comment when I would randomly change directions to avoid following them to the milk section. I know a lot of woman experience worse things... long periods of unexplained infertility, still births, miscarriages further along, ect. I felt guilty for being so upset, but I had to realize that we are all entitled to experience grief in our own ways, and we can't compare our trials.

The other thing I had to learn was to stop playing the "what if" game. Before we knew I was pregnant, I was drinking a lot of coke. I wondered if that could have made a difference. I also had used some pretty heavy duty cleaners to clean the bathroom. Could that have hurt the baby? I had really really pushed myself when packing. I moved heavy things and pushed myself to exhaustion to get everything done. Had I done too much? What if it was all my fault? What if I wasn't spiritual enough for Heavenly Father to trust me with his spirit child? What if there was something drastically wrong wrong with me and we were never able to have children? Thousands of these questions plagued me. I knew logically that Heavenly Father had a plan and that everything happens for a reason. Logically, I knew that I didn't do anything wrong and there was nothing I could do to change things, but it is hard for the heart to except logic. There again, I am lucky to be married to Eric. He would listen to my fears and reassure me that Heavenly Father was aware of me. He would encourage me to turn to the Lord.

I can't say I am I grateful for this trial, and I can't say it is something I would repeat for the lessons I learned from it. What I can say is I have learned and grown from this experience. I can also say that it brought Eric and I closer together.

I know that I haven't told a lot of people about this and I don't expect anyone to read this. I just wish that this was a subject people talked about so that when you are going through it, you feel less alone. By writing this, I hope I can be more open about our experience in the future and hopefully be able to help someone else. I was lucky, I happened to be around several different woman who shared their stories while I was around, not knowing what I had gone through. It really helped to hear that what I went through was pretty common and so was my reaction.

Anyways, I feel that this post has lost steam and direction.
Eric and I are expecting again. This baby is due right in the middle of June. We are thrilled and grateful for the chance to be parents and to bring a special child of Heavenly Father's into this world. We are already in love with this baby and I know that he or she will never experience a shortage of love in this family. We also know that the baby from that first pregnancy is watching over our little family.

Quick Update on Life Since Marriage

Eric and I got married in the Draper Utah temple on August 24, 2013. In Mormon weddings a lot of things are different. One thing that is different is that before the wedding, while you wait for the guests to be seated, you get to sit together in another room together. It is a beautiful moment where you can just be together, in quiet before the hustle of the rest of the day.  I wasn't really nervous. I knew we were in the right place, at the right time. Eric, well, he was a little nervous. His leg was shaking the whole time. It was actually kind of  endearing. The whole ceremony was wonderful and personal. We can't tell you every person in the room that day or all the details of the reception, but we can still remember every feeling during the ceremony.

                                           

After the wedding, Eric and I moved to Georgia for our first year of marriage to find out what was making me so sick. Long story short, I ended up figuring it out without much help from the doctors. I was allergic to the formaldehyde linking out of everything from a new apartment and found out I have a gluten allergy. The best part of going to Georgia was Eric being able to hang out with my family and learn more about how growing up there shaped me. We loved the diversity and people there. Here are a few pictures from our adventures in the south.

(White water rafting in Tennessee, Stone Mountain hike and laser show, teaching primary, and trip to Atlantic Ocean)

            

                               

Now Eric and I are back in Idaho, where we met. We moved back so we would finish school faster than if we transferred to another school. We like church here a lot better than in Georgia. We actually have people here that are in the same phase of life, which is important to feel like you fit in. My schooling might be a little delayed still though. We just announced that we are expecting a baby in the middle of June. The picture below is how we announced to our parents on Christmas. It was funny to see how long it took different people to understand. Naturally everyone was excited, especially my sister. Her kids are ready for some cousins. I am currently 16 weeks pregnant, and our baby is about the size of an avocado. We will find out the gender in a couple weeks. I am starting to feel a little better, thank goodness, and have started to feel the baby move. It is starting to become more real now. We are a little nervous, but totally thrilled.

I think I covered the highlights, but I will make more posts as this pregnancy progresses (no worries, not going to give too much information).