23 Weeks/Ultrasound

On February 10, Eric and I finally got to see our baby! Everything was made so much more real by actually seeing fingers and toes, especially for Eric since the baby isn't sitting on his bladder. I was torn during the ultrasound between watching the baby and watching Eric watch the baby. Eric was smiling the whole time. We also got a little more of a glimpse of this baby's personality. This baby is stubborn and kept crossing its legs. Feet kept getting in the way. It took multiple different tries to confirm this baby's gender, but we were right. This baby is a girl!

Today, we had another mile stone. At 23 weeks and a day, Eric finally got to feel the baby kick! It was just one single kick, but it was exciting. She is only going to get bigger and stronger, so this is only going to happen more and more, which Eric is excited for. Anytime we get to see/feel/hear her is just more confirmation to us of what we are working for. Sometimes, we really need those confirmations. 

This pregnancy has been harder than either of us expected so those moments mean a lot. I keep thinking "Finally, this morning sickness is going away." Then something happens, and it feels like I am back to the beginning... but I guess that is just the price I have to pay to have this child. I know that things could be worse and that I am lucky to even have this opportunity. It is just hard to constantly struggle to feel alright and feel like you can't even finish simple tasks like the dishes. Eric has been totally amazing this whole pregnancy, thank goodness. He has been doing about 95% of the cooking and cleaning. When we first met, Eric only cooked two things: breakfast for dinner and burgers. Now he is experimenting in the kitchen. The other day, he randomly decided to make Parmesan Chicken. He didn't even look at a recipe. He just winged it, and it was delicious! 

Anyways, here are some pictures of the ultrasound. We are so excited to meet our little girl and get to know her a lot better. Time is passing by so quickly!

(Not the greatest pictures. It is hard to take a picture of a picture.)

(Disclaimer: I really am not complaining for attention and do not want to seem insensitive to those struggling to get pregnant. That is part of the reason I started this blog instead of posting on facebook.)

Ongoing Life Lesson

Looking back over my life, I think I have done more growing in the last five years than in any other time of my life. I know, I am only 22 so five years is a huge chunk of my life, but I feel like everything that has happened is all so connected that I cannot break it down more specifically than that. It all started with the move my junior year of high school and switching school senior year.

Anyone who knew me during that time would probably agree that I was full of anger. I feel bad looking back, because I was a complete brat. That time frame is easily the worst my parents had with me. Sorry guys, but at least it was a relatively short time frame, right?  The reason I was such a snot is, because the first half of my junior year was a blast and I felt like I was happy with everything in my life at the time. Little did I know, Heavenly Father knew that there was more I needed. It took the heart break surrounding the move and switching schools for me to be humbled so I could learn. Because I am stubborn, it took more than one trial for me to truly learn the lessons that my Savior was trying to get through to me.

The first big lesson I learned is something that we try to teach our children from infancy, but sometimes it is hard to learn to apply it on a personal level. The lesson is that we are all children of a loving Father in Heaven. It is easy to say that God loves everyone and that the atonement works for everyone, but it is a lot harder to say that I KNOW that I am a child of God and that the atonement works for me specifically. Thank goodness that Heavenly Father loves us too much to give up on any of His children, because it took multiple experiences before I was able to solidify that lesson and engrave it on my heart. That lesson though is sooo essential though. It changes everything and because I know that I am a beloved daughter of God and that He loves me unconditionally, I can more fully use the atonement in my life. The atonement is not just for repenting either. With the atonement, we can have help with our every burden and every trial. Isn't that truly amazing? I just love how that all works. 

Knowing that I was a daughter of God also taught me that being a perfectionist is not always a good thing. Don't get me wrong. It is important to continually strive to improve, but it is also important to forgive ourselves. We would not want anyone else to hold our past against us, so why do we do that to ourselves? There is a song by Michael Mclean that I think says it better than I could. Here is the link:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ykGaB6zeXo

The next lesson was harder to learn, because I really could not grasp any reason the Lord would have for not granting us our righteous desires. I felt this way several times, but one of the experiences I had was not long before I met Eric. I am now tremendously grateful that it happened, because if it did not happen, I would not have ended up married to Eric. I won't go into details, because I don't think it is my place to put that whole story online when it involves other people's lives. I can tell you that it makes sense to me now, and I am glad that Heavenly Father loves us enough to say no or not now. There is actually a scripture that I think says it better than I could. It is Isaiah 55:8-9. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." I think it is hard to learn this, but His plan is truly so much better than anything we could have in mind for ourselves. We need to learn to trust Him so that we can have all that He wants for us. There is another song that comes to mind for this one. It is called "Blessings" and is by Laura Story. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ

In summary, I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that I am a daughter of God. He loves me no matter what. Mercifully, it is never to late to turn our hearts towards Him. I am grateful that He loves us enough to do what is best for us. I am grateful for the trials in my life, because I know that is how we learn and grow. I am definitely still learning to be grateful for trials as they come, instead of just after, but I am thankful I can always turn to Heavenly Father for guidance, strength, and peace through prayer.